This is a quote I haven’t heard before, but it resonates loudly. I’m a close relative of someone who has continuously placed blame on their parents for their own shortcomings, failures – ya know – life’s bad stuff. Sorry, but many people who married in the 50’s were barely out of their teens and having babies very soon after. They were so young, making young mistakes. The stage was set for being somewhat ill-equipped to deal in a healthy way with marriage and raising kids. That said, it is not pretty when you’re in your 30’s, then 40’s, then – dare I say – 50’s blaming your folks (now deceased) for your “lot in life.” I would often say, after each relapse, “You were dealt these cards (Honestly, just as the parents were), now it’s up to YOU to play them differently.”
This blame was something I couldn’t relate to as much because I came to understand the parents. They were doing the best they could. It took them until they were much older – post-divorce – to figure things out and make amends. Oh, believe me, I’m no know-it-all. I can play the bitter card, too. Life is hard. But we are all responsible for our decisions and working on bettering ourselves. I’m happy to say this relative has – at almost 60 – figured this out. The blame game is played no longer.
And something that took me a long time to learn (and it takes PRACTICE) has changed my perspective 180 degrees. Many consider this a platitude or cliche, but when I became sober it became a mantra that I live by: “It’s the journey, not the destination.” It was an “aha” moment that I finally “got” so I started living this way. I am a life-long learner who wants to constantly learn and practice and love. I appreciate and am grateful every day for what I do and have. I am responsible and competent and am capable of moving beyond the past in a healthy way. I don’t blame my people or circumstances. I was dealt the hand and am playing the hell out of those cards.